Love everyone! I’m Barbarella, the sexy intergalactic space babe with a penchant for Perspex bras, thigh-length boots and brown net body stocking. Remember me? No, nothing to do with Barb Wire – that was Pamela Anderson – and my anti-gravity striptease scene was far classier than hers swinging topless from a trapeze while being sprayed enthusiastically by a fire hose!
Today I’m taking over Design Closeup to share with you some of my life experiences in the year 40,000…
“Love” is the universal greeting and farewell. You know, like “Aloha” but for futuristic space hippies. Sex in space is quite different too! I’ve shagged several life forms including a blind angel, a hirsute caveman and a giant organ (the musical kind, luckily) but not always the conventional way. Ever tried the “Exaltation Transference Pill” or smoked some “Essence of Man”? All you need is a little imagination and a giant fishbowl bong!
I always seem to run into situations where my clothes fall off prompting me to change into even more revealing costumes. Paco Rabanne created all my outfits and I especially love the Ice Forest ensemble and the red and white boots. Some of them are so skimpy that they would not look out of place in an Agent Provocateur boutique, don’t you think?
I’m not dumb but maybe that would help if I was because the dialogue and the plot certainly are despite my best efforts to remain po-faced in the face of relentless absurdity! Shame I didn’t win an Oscar for my sex kitten performance!
Those awful 9-year old twins tried to feed me to flesh-eating dolls with razor teeth that undoubtedly served as inspiration for Chucky (Child’s Play) – They were biting my fishnets and legs all over and that was clearly my most traumatising experience. Someone was clearly stoned off their face when they wrote this!
On the other hand I really enjoyed being tortured by Durand Durand in the Excessive Machine, in which I vocalised extensively. I was meant to die of pleasure but I broke the machine thanks to my unparalleled sexual capacity…a perfect opportunity for yet another change of clothes as I climbed out triumphantly!
I had to land in the city of Sogo which looked like a poster for a BDSM fetish club before meeting the Black Queen who somehow managed to reek of royalty in black leather lingerie. And to top it all off I had to watch phallic-looking energy weapons rendered embarrassingly useless when their power packs ran out. I’ve already told you everyone was seriously off their face when they wrote the script!
Ok, time to go back to my spacecraft and maybe I’ll see you soon in a long-awaited sequel for a new set of exciting adventures. Who knows what sorts of objects, weapons and life forms I might be experimenting with!
All Gif images by Movie Classics